im about as happy as oj after his trial
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
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