He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
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