I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize