Pregnant stripper...not hot.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
