I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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