I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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