My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
my being single is dangerous.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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