They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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