My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
