I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
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