I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Couch. On fire.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
