Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize