can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
