He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
