no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
