ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Randomize
