so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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