I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
