We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
they're like a gay fantastic four
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Randomize
