My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
