I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
