you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
