I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
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