Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
