You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
