There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
