Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Randomize
