I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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