I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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