you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
