you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
