would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
