the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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