yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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