where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
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I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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