Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
