Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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