He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
