we have pet lesbian snakes
Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
