People in love make me want to vomit
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
i will never coherently bang her
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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