he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
