i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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