i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Randomize
