Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
