I bet he comes in French.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
