If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
