dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
