I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
