Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
