when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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