I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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