They should really pass out barf bags in church
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
