OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
