One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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