I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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