Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
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I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
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I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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