That reminds me...we need to get swords
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
