sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
