You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
