Non-Jews are for practice
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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