Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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