Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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