ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Randomize
