What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
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OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
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as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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