did you get engaged???
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
