Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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