Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
