allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
